Haven't written anything for a while but decided that there is something worth while to rant about now in my opinion something is seriously up I think I might be losing it. Well I always find it healthier to write about it but too be honest its been really hard even writing up my feelings let alone talking about them to anyone ...
I'm personally really struggling with my temper with everyone and everything, the job center well especially at the moment. I feel I have little to strive for but really want to keep on going in the right direction and get a reasonable job. My efforts are slowly paying off as I'm getting interviews and applying for 5 jobs a day but its ridiculous how much competition there is out there and the job center are no help their just demeaning everyone further with the new system of punishments and constant sanctions. We need encouragement, unity and respect not intimidation.
In the past year I have been constantly humiliated does my qualifications and intellect even mean much anymore? Its sickening when they put everyone on the most senseless work fair placements which are just another technical word for slave labor. However okay not all courses have been bad and some of the work I have done has been beneficial. I have really enjoyed my experiences at Citizen Advice Bureau as I love helping people and want to continue doing it for the community.
My temper at this real inequality is really getting to me on a personal level as I'm sure it does with everyone. My parents have advised me to see councilors on many occasions but I have always been either too ashamed or too stubborn to seek any real medical help. After being sanctioned for 4 weeks with little money my depression is well starting to kick in again, I have struggled with insomnia, anxiety attacks, paranoia and been heavy drinking too from which most of my family have already confronted me about. I'm even having the heavy fits which I feel I need to see the doctors about personally as they make me feel even more withdrawn and frustrated.
Could this just be the illness of society nothing even feels right. I feel constantly over worked by the job center applying for the same jobs day in day getting nowhere and worst thing is I even sometimes struggle nowadays to do the one thing I love sometimes which is write poems, I feel deep down my idealistic passion and feelings are not totally burnt out yet but being drained by the endless existence of boredom and repetition Alright sure not everybody is expected to agree but most people can vouch this system is just unfair and damaging to the community.